


into the new

by EmeraldTulip



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Ricky Bowen (HSM: The Series), Coming Out, Coming of Age, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Open to Interpretation, POV Alternating, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, let kourtney have emotions 2020, the trios are lowkey... read them how you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldTulip/pseuds/EmeraldTulip
Summary: “You’re not happy about me and Nini,” Ricky reasons, “but I don’t get what that has to do with you—you know. I’m not—I’m sorry, Red, but Ican’t—“Red punches him. Not particularly hard, but enough to startle him. Honestly, the hit to his shoulder doesn’t sting nearly as much as the glare Big Red sends him. “It’s not alwaysaboutyou, Ricky! I know what it feels like, okay? And I don’t want Nini to feel it, too.Again. That’s all.”-It's high school, ofcoursethere's drama. Ricky Bowen just never expected to be such a big part of it.
Relationships: Big Red & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Big Red & Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Big Red/Ricky Bowen (HSM: The Series), Big Red/Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Gina Porter & Carlos Rodriguez, Kourtney & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen & Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos Rodriguez
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	into the new

**Author's Note:**

> hello this fandom is hella dry rn so here have this frankensteins monster of a fic. established rini and seblos. redlyn didnt happen, nini has more time to worry about school so it isnt relevant. picks up the day after the show.  
> title is of course from the song out of the old. hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Ricky**

* * *

Ricky can’t stop smiling, and it’s clearly freaking Big Red out. His best friend is staring at him with a confused look on his face—more confused than normal, at least. Ricky lets out a happy sigh, doing a little spin on Red’s skateboard before kicking it off to the side of his room. “Nini kissed me. Yesterday. After the show.”

“What?”

Ricky feels his smile grow impossibly wider. “I know, right?”

Red stares at a spot somewhere above Ricky’s left eyebrow. “Okay.” He slouches back into his chair, eyes downcast.

“That’s… that’s it?” Ricky‘s grin instantly dissolves. “Nothing else? No… no _relief_ that things are going back to the way they were? No excitement for your best friend?”

“I guess.” Big Red shrugs, still staring intently at his own hands, fidgeting in his lap.

Ricky stares incredulously at him. “Seriously?”

“What do you want me to say?” Red demands, and now Ricky hears a hint of anger creeping into his voice. “I’m not thrilled. I won’t lie to you.”

“That’s— _dude_.” Ricky rubs a hand down his face. “I thought you were cool with Nini. We used to all be friends! Isn’t it good that we’re back together?”

Red stands up, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “I _am_ cool with Nini. We were _always_ cool, _you_ just messed it up in the first place. It isn’t that at all.”

Ricky throws his hands up. “Then _what_?”

Big Red rolls his eyes, flopping back onto his bed, his nervousness only betrayed by his incessant tapping on his phone laying on his chest. “Ricky, I’ve been in love with you since, like, fifth grade, for reasons I cannot understand. You know that.”

It’s not news—Red is right. He knows. But to hear it out loud is strange—that’s never happened before. “I… I know.”

“And it’s fine,” Red says, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, and when Ricky tries to lean over him into his field of vision he just closes his eyes. “Seriously. I can handle it. But—“

“Wait,” Ricky interrupts. “What was the point of that?”

Big Red opens his eyes and sits up again, frowning. “What?”

“You’re not happy about me and Nini,” Ricky reasons, “but I don’t get what that has to do with you—you know. I’m not—I’m sorry, Red, but I _can’t_ —“

Red punches him. Not particularly hard, but enough to startle him. Honestly, the hit to his shoulder doesn’t sting nearly as much as the glare Big Red sends him. “It’s not always _about_ you, Ricky! I know what it feels like, okay? And I don’t want Nini to feel it, too. _Again_. That’s all.”

“Big Red, I—“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Red says, holding up a hand. “Don’t. You don’t have to say anything. But Nini is my friend, and I don’t care that I know I would probably do anything for you. You can’t hurt her again. You’re too good at it.”

* * *

Ricky’s finger hovers over his phone.

 _I fucked up,_ he types out after a moment. He deletes it. _I’m sorry,_ he tries next, and deletes that too.

“Shit,” he says out loud, and then nearly jumps out of his skin when there’s a knock at his door.

“Sorry,” his dad says, grinning sheepishly as he pokes his head in. “I was just, uh, coming to say goodnight. You okay?”

“Yes,” Ricky says instantly, and he immediately feels bad. “I mean… no, I don’t know why I said that. I messed up, Dad.”

“Ah.” His dad makes some hand movement that he abandons before completion. “Nini again?”

Ricky sighs. “No. Yes? Sort of, but… no.” He rakes a hand through his hair, for once not caring if it sticks up. Red always made fun of him for it, and maybe that’s the problem. “Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, bud,” he replies, stepping fully into the room and walking over. “Can I sit?”

“Yeah.” Ricky gestures at the end of his bed. “I guess… I thought that everything would be better if it went back to normal. And it’s _good_ —Nini and I are good—but everything else… I don’t know.” He shakes his head, picking at a loose thread on his blanket to avoid looking his dad in the eye. He’s known Red for just as long as Ricky has, and Ricky feels like his own eyes will betray him. “I don’t want to hurt my friends. I already hurt Nini once. I just don’t know what to do.”

His dad sits in silence for a moment, clearly considering his words carefully. “Is this about Big Red, Rick?” he asks, and Ricky freezes.

“What?” he whispers, barely a breath, and his dad winces.

“You can tell me if I’m wrong,” he posits, “but I think we all know that you and Red and Nini are… complicated.”

“He told me he liked me, Dad,” Ricky says. “No—he told me he’s _in love with me_.”

“I thought you knew that,” his father says gently.

Ricky groans, burying his face in his hands. “I did!” He takes a breath, trying to find the right words. “I do. I just… never thought I would _hear_ it from him. And I just—I really love Nini. But Big Red is my best friend, and I know that I would—I _would_ love him if it wasn’t for her, which makes me feel like a supremely shitty person. And also weird.”

“It’s not—you’re not _weird_ , Ricky.”

“Then why am I like this?” he demands, and he can hear the anger starting to creep into his voice. “I care about him, so much—more than _anyone else_ —but I just make him feel terrible all the time! He told me all this stuff today and all I said was that I didn’t understand. He _told_ me that he cares about Nini and wants to protect her—and if _he_ thinks that, our friends do, too. What kind of boyfriend does that make me? What kind of _friend_ does that make me?” He’s choking back an emotional bubble in his throat, now. “I love Nini, but I—I like so many people, I care about them, probably more than I should, but I still hurt them. And Red knows it. He knows because he’s one of those people for me. Who the hell _does_ that?”

His dad hesitantly grasps his arm. “It just means you’ve got a big heart, Rick. It doesn’t make you a bad person.” He sighs. “As someone with some trouble in this love department, I just have to tell you to talk to them. Your mom and I… we weren’t good. We didn’t communicate and we weren’t honest with each other. You’re better than that, I know you are.”

“Am I, though?” He holds up his hand, counting on his fingers as he talks. “I broke Nini’s heart. I’ve been stringing Red along for years. I messed with Gina’s emotions when she had enough trouble already. They _all_ think I’m going to hurt Nini again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing _wrong_ with you, Jesus,” his dad exclaims. “You’re a _teenager_. And the fact that you know that you don’t want to do these things means that yes, you’re a good person. A good person who makes mistakes.”

Ricky lets himself fall onto his back, hugging his pillow to his chest. “I hate making mistakes.”

“So work to correct them.” He shrugs. “If it matters, I think you’re a good person. I’m sure your friends would agree with me.”

* * *

The message he’s been dreading pops up on his screen.

_Call me?_

He desperately wants to pick up the phone. He wants to talk to Nini, to talk it out, to make sense of what the hell is going on. He wants to more than anything.

Instead, he opens his texts and scrolls to Gina.

* * *

**Carlos**

* * *

“Do you think we should call them?”

Carlos winces when some straw crunches under his elbow as he props himself up to look at Seb. “I don’t know. It _is_ break, and if they really wanted us for something it would probably be drama. Not the theater kind.”

Seb hums, finally seeming to run out of things to say, and Carlos watches as his fingers trace patterns into the dust on the floor.

The radio silence from the cast should be worrying, especially considering all the holiday messages Carlos had kind of been expecting, but he is having entirely too good of a time with his boyfriend. How can he be expected to worry about what Ricky and Ashlyn and Kourtney and all of them are doing when Seb is chattering away next to him?

His _boyfriend_.

“I need to cut my hair,” Seb groans after a moment, pushing it off of his forehead for the fifth time in ten minutes. Carlos thinks it’s cute.

“I like it,” he insists, scooting over so that his knee knocks into Seb’s. “I always love how you look, but… it suits you.”

Seb pinches him, but Carlos can see him ducking to hide his smile. “You have to say that, though.”

“I do not,” Carlos protests. “It’s just true.”

Seb glances around on instinct, but they’re tucked into a little nook in the corner of Seb’s barn. None of the cows seem to care like EJ’s teammates might, and Seb grins before leaning in.

Carlos happily kisses him, his hand shifting from Seb’s hip to his face, running through the hair that’s beginning to curl slightly at the base of his neck, and Seb lets out a little sigh as Carlos winds his fingers through a couple blond strands. Carlos really hopes he doesn’t cut it.

* * *

He’s is startled out of his sleep when his phone rings, his sudden upright position knocking Seb awake, too.

“What the—” Seb cuts himself off, rubbing his eyes. There’s hay in his straw-colored hair, but Carlos is too disoriented to help him deal with that right now.

“Hello?” he says into the phone after fumbling with the buttons for a moment. He hopes it isn’t his mom, he _definitely_ lost track of time.

 _“Hey, Carlos,”_ Gina says, and Carlos frowns up at Seb, whose eyes are wide with the ‘tell me what you’re hearing’ look.

“Gina? You okay?”

 _“I’m fine,”_ she dismisses. _“Are you alone right now?”_

He puts her on speaker. “No, Seb is—“

Gina snickers. _“Seb doesn’t count. Hi, Seb.”_

“Hi?” Seb responds, and Carlos can tell he doesn’t know whether to be flattered or offended.

Carlos checks the time. “Gina, it’s great to hear from you, but it’s literally almost midnight—”

 _“I know,”_ she says, clearly exasperated. _“I just got a weird text from Ricky.”_

“Is he okay?” Seb asks.

 _“I think so.”_ She sighs. _“I’m meeting him first thing tomorrow, he seems upset. I just wanted to see if you guys knew what was up. There’s no way I was gonna ask Nini or Red, and EJ wouldn’t know.”_

Carlos winces. “Sorry, I haven’t heard from anyone since the party. I figured it was holiday stuff.”

 _“It’s alright,”_ Gina says heavily. _“Just thought I’d ask. Hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”_

Seb flushes and Carlos laughs at him. “You’re funny, Gi.”

_“Just teasing. I’ll see you guys soon.”_

As soon as Gina hangs up, Seb whacks him on the shoulder. “Carlos!”

“She was _kidding_!”

* * *

**Nini**

* * *

“Have you guys heard from Ricky?” Nini asks, out of the blue, and she feels almost unreasonably awkward when everyone turns to look at her. The Caswell house is a little emptier than usual—Gina left early in the morning with little explanation, according to Ashlyn, and Seb and Carlos are MIA. Probably together. No one wants to be the one to interrupt that.

But Ricky hasn’t answered her last six texts, and she’s starting to get worried.

Ashlyn arches an eyebrow at her. “Why would _we_ know where _your_ boyfriend is if you don’t?”

She’s joking, Nini knows, but she feels a little sting of defensiveness. “I just—I’m worried. He hasn’t texted back for, like, two days.”

“If he’s blowing you off again, _already_ , I’ll kill him,” Kourtney threatens, and EJ makes a face.

“Okay, I’m not exactly the number one Ricky stan here, but he wouldn’t do that.” He slips his phone from his pocket. “I can text him if you want?”

Nini is about to discourage him when Big Red interrupts, and she startles. He hasn’t said a word since he arrived. “EJ, don’t.”

Ashlyn cranes her neck to look up at him where he’s perched in the chair she’s sitting in front of. “Why not?”

Red sighs, tugging a string on the knee of his skate-torn jeans. “I don’t know where he is, but I know he won’t answer you. Any of you.”

“What the fuck does _that_ mean?” Kourtney jabs, and there’s a sudden sinking feeling in Nini’s stomach.

“Red,” she says, as levelly as possible. “What happened?”

He doesn’t meet her gaze. “I can’t tell you.”

Nini’s nails bite into her palms. “Redonovich, you’re really starting to scare me. _Tell me what happened_.”

He finally looks up at her, and she’s startled to see tears in his eyes. “Nini, _please_. I can’t.” His hands are shaking as he presses the heels of his palms into his face.

“Oh,” she says, because it suddenly clicks. Her eyes flit from him to Ashlyn, to EJ, to Kourtney. They don’t know him like she does.

They don’t _know_.

“I’m sorry,” Red whispers, voice breaking, and he looks smaller to Nini than he has in years.

“Oh,” Nini repeats, like a broken record.

* * *

He won’t say anything.

Her worry for Ricky flies out of the window as she murmurs softly to Red, hoping he’ll recover enough to at least speak. Ashlyn’s room is painted a soft blue, rock salt lamps and glow-in-the-dark stars everywhere, and Nini for once is glad Ashlyn is so chill—imagining doing this in the clutter of Red’s basement makes her skin crawl.

“You know they’re not listening,” Nini assures him gently, because she knows Red has some trust issues with people eavesdropping on him. Nini still hates his sixth grade science partner for it. Veronica Kissimer. “They wouldn’t do that.”

“I know,” Red finally whispers, and he’s so quiet that Nini only hears him because she’s sitting crisscross-applesauce facing him on Ashlyn’s bay window, their knees touching. He doesn’t say anything else.

Nini hesitantly reaches for his hands, feeling pleasantly surprised when he lets her interlace their fingers. “Red… I’m sorry.”

Red laugh-snorts mirthlessly. “You really don’t have to be.”

“Please,” Nini says. “Let me be sorry. I should have—I should’ve asked—”

Red squeezes her hands. “Seriously. It’s not on you.” He chews on his lip for a minute. “You know… this all sucks. But I feel a little better now that I’ve said it to him.”

“Shit,” she says faintly. “You did? I thought he must have, like… finally figured it out.”

He smiles ruefully, Ashlyn’s purple lava lamp turning his irises violet. “As oblivious as he is, he’s known for years. Almost as long as you. I guess I just confirmed it.”

“Ah.” She rubs her thumb across the back of his hand. “Did he freak?”

“No.” He sighs. “I told him I loved him, and then I told him I didn’t want him to hurt you again, and that’s when he left.”

“Wait,” Nini frowns. “You spilled your guts to him and then… talked about _me_? Why?”

Red shrugs, fake nonchalant. “You’re one of my oldest friends, Nini. And I love you. I missed you so much at the beginning of the year, and I remember how hurt you were—I get it, I do. I don’t want him to do that to you again.”

“You didn’t—” Nini’s mouth opens and closes a few times before she figures out what she wants to say. “You didn’t have to do that. I’m the one who dated him, knowing how you felt. I feel like a terrible friend.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Red insists. “You make Ricky happy. He wants you, and that’s okay. I just…” He flushes a little. “I just _wish_ he would want me. I wish that he would listen for once.”

A warm blanket of affection drapes itself over Nini, and she breathes deep, pressing her forehead against Red’s. “I’ll listen to you,” she says. “I know it’s not the same, but…”

Red’s eyes slip closed, and Nini feels another surge of fondness as she sees his lip quirk up into a tiny smile. “I’d like that.”

* * *

**Gina**

* * *

_Gina Porter. Sophomore. Transfer student._ She has the spiel memorized by now. This time, though, her regular routine—be the best, play dirty, get ready to leave again—has been interrupted. She wasn’t the best. She played nice, at least in the end. She isn’t leaving.

Ricky Bowen isn’t routine, either.

“Hey,” she greets him, and he looks up at her as she approaches.

“Hi,” he responds, yanking his earbuds out and shoving them in his pocket. “Sorry for bothering you.”

Gina shakes her head. “You aren’t bothering me.” She holds out a coffee cup for him to take, clutching her own closer to herself. “Mocha. Whipped cream. One sugar.”

He takes it from her, staring as though she’s grown another head. She doesn’t think it’s that weird to remember someone else’s coffee order, but he clearly does. “Thanks.” He scoots over on the bench to give her room to sit, bringing his drink close to his face. It’s cold enough to see his breath, the pink windburn on his cheeks.

“Consider it your Christmas present.” She takes a sip from her cup and falls silent, tapping a rhythm on the cardboard. Ricky’s text had been frantic, but hey. She’s got a whole day to figure out why.

“I didn’t know who else to talk to,” Ricky finally admits, and Gina pretends to take another gulp of coffee. “I really messed up.”

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that,” she prods lightly.

Ricky’s mouth stretches into a reluctant grin, and he tries to hide it with his cup. “Yeah. I… I guess I feel bad, because I sorta messed up with Red. A _lot_. And it had to do with Nini, so I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Emotional talks were never part of the plan, either. Emotional talks require friends, and Gina never has been good at those. Salt Lake City is different.

For a moment, she considers asking for more context; the story. But honestly, Gina easily puts together a whole narrative for herself the moment Ricky says his own name along with Red and Nini—and that’s also a first. She doesn’t think she’s ever known anyone well enough to do that before. “So how are you going to fix it?”

* * *

Something in her stomach twists when she first catches sight of Nini as she walks back into school after break. She’s laughing, undoubtedly at one of Ricky’s terrible jokes, and Gina has never felt worse for Big Red than she does now, watching him as he walks just far enough away from them that they don’t see. Not for the first time, she wonders just how long he’s been looking at Ricky like that. She wonders if Nini knows; Ricky undoubtedly does. She wonders if even Red really understands.

She can’t blame Red—Ricky is, for lack of a better word, a miracle. Endearingly bumbling, a voice like gold, and his looks aren’t half bad either. He just also has a habit of worming under peoples’ skin, making his friends so comfortable around him for no reason at all. Gina has never seen anything like it—everyone likes Ricky and he doesn’t even have to try. Hell, _she_ liked Ricky right off the bat. It’s dangerous.

She can’t blame Nini, though, for hanging off of Ricky’s arm like she’s some kind of strange and rare bird he’s training. Nini has that inexplicable draw, too, but she is far too sweet to take advantage of it the way Ricky does. She doesn’t think highly enough of herself to know just how beautiful she is, and Ricky is the only boy who has ever made her realize that.

Gina wishes more than anything, in this moment, that Nini could see that Gina gets it. That she wants to help. But she isn’t good at this… this _relationship stuff_ like Ricky is.

They’re both so perfect it’s annoying.

She knows she’ll never say anything, least of all now—it’s the first day back in school since break, and she’s already getting depressing. She stares after them for a moment, then tugs on her backpack straps and walks down the other hall.

* * *

**Big Red**

* * *

Ricky and Nini are both absent from lunch, and Red tries not to think about it. He wants to believe that Nini was telling the truth when she said she would listen to him.

“Ten bucks says they’re making out somewhere,” Rico says, and he honest-to-god pulls out a crisp Hamilton and slaps it on the table.

“Really?” Kourtney chastises him, and they try to stare each other down for a moment.

Kourtney wins, because of course she does, and Rico pockets his money with a childish pout. “Just a joke,” he mutters.

“Honestly, Kourt, Rico is probably right,” Ashlyn shrugs. “They’ve rekindled their romance, after all.”

Carlos fake gags. “Of all the choices Nini had.” Seb laughs.

They’re kidding, Red knows, but it still stings. And then the fact that it still stings stings more. Hearing friends dunk on Ricky shouldn’t hurt, but something about that combined with the gentle ribbing at his relationship with Nini twists the knife.

 _I love him,_ he wants to scream. _Don’t you realize that I might want him, too?_

But of course not. The thought never even crosses their minds. And he’s glad, he is, but sometimes it’s so crushingly lonely to know that nobody sees him.

* * *

Ricky approaches him during Lit class. “You wanna work together on this thing?” He halfheartedly gestures at the project written up on the board.

“Oh,” Red says. “I already said I’d work with Stef. Sorry.”

“Oh,” Ricky echoes. “Okay, no problem. Uh, do you need a ride home later?”

“I have robotics with Ashlyn.” He clicks his knuckles nervously. “EJ’s driving us after.” Ricky’s gaze is inscrutable, but something about his eyes tells Red he’s upset. “Sorry,” he says again.

“It’s fine!” Ricky insists, just a little too loud. “It’s okay. I’ll… I’ll go find a partner, then.”

He turns to leave, but Big Red is an idiot so of course he says something incredibly stupid. “Are we ever gonna talk about it?”

Ricky stops, but he doesn’t say a word.

Red doesn’t want this to be a _scene_. They are literally in the middle of class, after all. “Ricky. Are we?” He is so so so stupid.

Ricky turns away.

* * *

Nini tracks him down during study hall. She is Ricky-less.

“What can I do?” she asks, and Red frowns, sliding an old receipt into his book to save his page.

“I don’t… what?”

“What can I do,” Nini repeats, sitting in the chair next to his. “You’re still upset. And I tried to talk to Kourtney earlier, and… I don’t know, she didn’t want to talk about it. I feel like I messed things up.”

Red shakes his head. “You didn’t.”

“I _feel_ like I did, though.”

He picks at a hangnail. “Nini, honestly… it’s not your fault. My feelings aren’t your responsibility. And I don’t know what’s up with Kourtney, but… I’m mostly upset that Ricky won’t talk to me, so I guess I get where she might be coming from. Just keep being a good friend.”

Nini’s eyes are soft. “Big Red…”

“Nini, please,” he says. “I seriously am fine, I just need my friends right now. I promise that’s it.”

She looks down at the table. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Red picks up his book again, turning to his marked page, and Nini hasn’t moved. “Aren’t you in Mazzara’s study hall?”

She shrugs. “Yeah. But I’d rather stay with you until they kick me out.” She pulls her own book from her bag and props it open on the table, acting like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Red loves her. He loves her, and that’s how he knows he’s going to be okay.

* * *

**Seb**

* * *

Seb’s loft is far too crowded, but no one really seems to mind.

“Who has the sour straws?” Kaden calls, and EJ chucks the bag at him. It ends up hitting Natalie in the head, and she glowers.

 _That_ tension, at least, is playful. It’s become readily apparent in the last week that something went seriously wrong over break, and Seb suspects it has something to do with whatever Gina had called to ask about. Even the gentle pressure of Carlos squeezing his hand can’t distract him from the way Big Red is huddled in the corner with Ashlyn, quietly eating popcorn; or how Gina, despite laughing along to the group’s jokes, keeps glancing over at Ricky, whose arm is slung around Nini.

“You alright?” Carlos murmurs, and his low voice encourages something warm to bloom in Seb’s chest.

“Fine,” he replies, rearranging Carlos so he can lean on his shoulder. “Just thinking.”

Carlos hums his acknowledgement, and Seb feels a sudden surge of affection for him, lifting their linked hands and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. _Disgustingly cute,_ Georgie would call it, but Seb’s siblings all know to steer clear of a cast party.

“Fuck you, Ricky,” Kourtney snaps, and Seb is automatically alert until she continues, “candy corn isn’t that bad.”

Seb sighs quietly. “I really thought all of us hanging out would… change something, I don’t know,” he tells Carlos, muffled under the overlapping voices of their friends.

Carlos gives him a sympathetic look. “You did your best, love. Can’t win ‘em all.”

“We should play truth or dare!” Rico shouts, immediately getting assaulted by groans.

No one outright opposes it, though, until Nini clears her throat. “No.”

Natalie snorts. “We all hate Rico, I know, but it actually might be fun.”

“Neens, we used to play this game all the time,” Kourtney adds. “What’s the problem?”

Nini’s jaw is clenched. “I just… no. Please? I don’t like it.” It’s quick—barely a second—but Seb catches the moment that her eyes dart over to Red, still tucked away in that corner.

He doesn’t really know the whole story, but he has his suspicions. “I’m the host, and I say no truth or dare,” he declares. “We don’t force people to do stuff they don’t want to.”

EJ mutters something that sounds like _lowerclassmen aren’t fun_ , and Stef hits him, and the chatter starts back up.

Across the loft, Nini shoots Seb a smile. Seb’s known Nini for a couple years now, and he’s learned that when her mouth curves up a little higher on one side, that’s her _thank you_ smile.

“Why’d you do that?” Carlos asks, and there’s no malice to his words, just curiosity.

Seb shrugs a little. “People have secrets. You know that.” He remembers the freshman year ski trip, where he and Carlos and a few other boys were stuck in a cabin together. Because they weren’t _girls_ , Ethan White had suggested they play dare or dare—all well and good, until Ethan dared Carlos to tell them who he had a crush on. Which definitely feels like a cheap shot. Seb still can perfectly recall the chill that went down his spine when Carlos froze, because he _understood_. Fuck Ethan White. “People get hurt, right?”

He glances at Red, who is smiling faintly at Ashlyn as she tells him some story—renaissance themed, if her stabbing gestures indicate anything.

“Right.” Carlos has a smile in his voice, and Seb looks back over to see it.

“What?”

Carlos shakes his head. “You’re… you’re so _good_ , Seb, you don’t even know.”

Seb has never been good at taking compliments, so he instead kisses Carlos chastely, quickly dodging the cheese puffs thrown at them right after.

* * *

“Hey, guys!” Ricky greets them a few days later as they pass each other in between classes. “You need a ride after school?”

“Thought you were driving Nini,” Seb says, slowing to a careful stop as students file around them. “I live in the opposite direction.”

Ricky shrugs. “She’s staying after school for something, she said Miss Jenn asked her.”

Carlos looks bewildered for a moment before Seb watches him train his face into something neutral. “Seb’s sister drives us. Thanks for the offer, though, maybe another time.”

Ricky waves him off. “No biggie, see you later!”

The moment he’s gone, Seb pokes Carlos. “What?”

“What?”

“Your face.” Seb squints at him. “You’re making this _face_.”

Carlos frowns. “Miss Jenn has meetings all after school today. She definitely doesn’t need Nini for anything.”

“Well, maybe—“ The bell cuts Seb off, and he jumps. “Oh, crap, I’m late for Mazzara. I gotta run!”

* * *

Seb and Carlos are still waiting for Georgie twenty minutes after the final bell.

“Maybe we should have taken Ricky up on that ride,” Seb grumbles. They watched him almost run over a freshman as he tried to get out of the parking lot fifteen minutes prior.

Carlos laughs. “It’s not so bad.”

“I’m gonna be eighty by the time she unlocks her car!”

The doors swing open again, and Seb looks hopefully over at them, but neither of the two people leaving are his sister. He nudges Carlos.

“Huh,” Carlos says. “That’s interesting.”

They watch as Nini and Big Red round the corner and disappear down the block together.

“What’s interesting?” Georgie says, right next to Seb’s ear, and he almost jumps out of his skin.

“Oh my god, Georgia, I’m gonna kill you,” he threatens, halfheartedly swinging his bag at her.

She grins teasingly. “Then who’s driving you home?”

“Ricky,” Carlos mutters, and Seb bursts out laughing.

* * *

**Ricky**

* * *

He thought that if everything went back to how it was before, it could be normal. Clearly he was wrong, because he and his best friend don’t know how to act around each other anymore, his girlfriend’s mind seems to be on some other plane, and his girlfriend’s best friend is regarding him coldly.

 _I knew getting to rehearsal early was a bad idea,_ he groans, and he glances at the door willing someone else to walk in. _Where the fuck is Carlos?_

No one enters, of course, so he looks back up. “Are you mad at me?” He immediately shakes his head. “Stupid question. Just… _why_? I’m really lost, here.”

Kourtney raises an eyebrow. “Three guesses.”

“If you’re worried I’m gonna hurt her again,” Ricky says, “I won’t. I swear I won’t.”

“You’re an idiot, Richard,” Kourtney replies, rubbing a hand down her face. “It’s not that at all.”

“Then what?” Ricky asks, exasperated, because Kourtney is talking in circles just like Red was.

“She’ll always choose you!” Kourtney snaps, glaring up at him, and Ricky is startled to see her eyes a little sad beneath the anger. “I’m her best friend. And when you weren’t there, I was. But she’ll go to you, not me, like always.”

“Oh,” is all he comes up with, and _goddamnit Bowen, that’s it?_ “Kourtney, I…”

She shakes her head. “Forget it. It’s whatever.”

“Kourtney!” Ricky has never really been close with her despite the friend circle, not like Nini is with Red. “Kourtney, I swear, I’m trying not to fuck up. I’m trying _really_ hard. And Nini… I tried to make things go back to how it was before, but it’s _not_ , okay? It’s not like before, it’s different now, and I promise you I am _not_ going to ruin your friendship with her.”

“Like how you ruined your friendship with Big Red?” Kourtney asks, but there’s no bite to it.

Ricky nods, despite how much that stings. “Nini is better than me. She won’t do that.”

Kourtney doesn’t say anything for a moment, but her eyes flick between each of Ricky’s. He tilts his head to ask the question she’s waiting for. “You’re not a bad person, Ricky, but you’re right, Nini will do better than you. It’s just messy.” Her eyes soften. “I’m sorry about Red.”

He doesn’t have time to respond—how could he, anyway?—because the door swings open and Gina walks in, humming something that stops as soon as she sees the two of them. “Hi,” she says.

“Hey,” Ricky says tiredly, and god, it really _is_ messy. Gina, at least, makes sense.

“You guys alright?” she asks gently, sitting next to Ricky, letting her legs dangle off the stage, and Ricky’s chronically unsettled nerves settle just a little.

He nods, even if it’s a lie. He doesn’t need to say anything. She knows.

* * *

“Ricky…”

“I know,” he cuts her off, putting his face in his hands. “God, Gina, I know.” He can’t bear to look her in the eye. Not right now, not when they should be in rehearsal but they’re in an empty classroom because he bolted.

He hears a couple desks squeak as she shifts them away, easing herself down next to him. She’s warm; he can feel it where their arms are pressed together even through his sleeve.

“You get me,” she says after a moment. “I’ve never really met someone who understood me before.”

“Gina—”

She interrupts him. “And I think I know you.” She knocks her elbow into his. “You’re the first person in a long time I think that with.” She offers him a small smile. “That has to count for something, right?”

He doesn’t think he _gets_ Gina. But he supposes they do understand each other. Broken families, broken dreams, whatever. No matter how much he fucks up with Red, with Nini, with his dad—he has Gina. He thinks he can say that with confidence.

“It counts for me,” he tells her, playing with her untied shoelace. Her worn out converse are barely the green they originally were anymore; covered in Seb’s doodles and Gina’s own checklist on the toe. She lets him pull apart the threads.

“You’re gonna be okay,” she says, and that’s all, and she sits with him as he tries not to cry.

* * *

“Red told me he loved me,” Ricky says, and Nini doesn’t react quite how he expected her to.

“I know,” she shrugs, shifting her legs so she’s sitting criss-cross on Ricky’s bed.

He blinks at her from his desk chair. “You _know_?”

“Yeah.” She smiles a little. “You act like you don’t know we’re friends.” She shakes her head to interrupt whatever denial he was about to splutter out. “We both love you. So what? You love us. It doesn’t matter how.”

Ricky feels a grin tugging at his mouth. “You are quite the character, Nini Salazar-Roberts.”

Her face finally breaks out into a smile. “I know.” She holds out a hand, and Ricky stands from his chair to take it, laughing when she suddenly yanks him down onto the bed, knocking the wind out of him.

“A _menace_ ,” he gasps, lightly kicking her ankle.

Nini’s smile fades, but her eyes are sweet and fond. “Talk to him, okay?”

“You should talk to Kourtney, then,” he says, and then there’s a little anxiety mixing into Nini’s brown gaze.

“Yeah,” she mutters. “For all my preaching about being a good friend, I’m quite a shitty one, huh?”

“Oh, stop it.” Ricky rolls his eyes. “You just need a little practice.”

“Sure.”

They lay in silence for a moment—Ricky’s mind jumps, for some reason, to _Love, Simon_. He’d seen it with Nini and Red in theaters on a whim. The scene on the bed, the two kids facing the ceiling in the opposite directions, with Simon on the verge of spilling his secrets… how can he _not_?

“Nini?”

“Hmm?”

He almost doesn’t say it, but he does. “I’m bi.”

There’s a moment—just a beat, but it stretches on in Ricky’s mind—where Nini doesn’t say anything. Then she takes a breath. “Yeah.”

He blinks. “Yeah?”

Nini shifts, rolling onto her side to look at him, and he does too. “Yeah.” She smiles. “I love you.”

He feels lighter, suddenly, and to his very core he knows that he will not mess up this time.

* * *

Ricky’s ceiling isn’t particularly interesting, nor is it making him drowsy at all. His alarm clock reads 11:47 in bright red, leaving an imprint behind his eyes, and he picks up his phone. Squinting through the brightness of his lock screen, he maneuvers to his contacts and clicks on Big Red’s with only a moment of hesitation. He hasn’t been using his sleep apnea machine lately, Ricky knows, so he likely will hear the call. Whether he picks up or not when he sees _who_ exactly is calling is a different story.

After three agonizing rings, the line clicks. _“Hello?”_

“I’m sorry,” Ricky tells him, and he can hear Red’s sleep-muffled voice on the other end of the phone.

_“What?”_

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I guess I’m not… I’m not used to people caring about me. Loving me.”

He can hear the heavy pause in Red’s next breath before he speaks again. _"Well, I love you."_

Ricky smiles, a little bitter. "I know. I wish I could love you. God, it would be so much easier."

 _“Easier?”_ Big Red sounds a little amused, if incredulous.

“Yeah,” Ricky replies. “Nini is… complicated. You’re not. You’re safe.”

There’s a distinctly sad tint in Red’s voice when he speaks after a moment. _“But you’re complicated, too. I guess that’s why you like her so much.”_

Ricky huffs out a little laugh. “I guess.” He listens to the dead air hum through his phone speaker for the count of ten. “Goodnight,” he finally says through the bubble of emotion trapped in his throat. “But—for the record. I do. I love you.”

He knows Red’s melancholic smile—can see it, practically. _“I love you, too, Ricky. See you tomorrow.”_

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are, as always, appreciated.  
> find me on tumblr, my main is [@perseusjaxon](https://perseusjaxon.tumblr.com) and my hsmtmts blog is [@rinaseblos](https://rinaseblos.tumblr.com)!


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